There are more than a few misconceptions about Kwanzaa, and as the only black guy most of you know I feel it’s my duty to clear up some things. Thus I present to you:

Why Kwanzaa Isn’t the Same As Indonesian Dragon-Ghost Day, By Chris Gibbs

I’ve decided to tackle a few of the more erroneous beliefs about Kwanzaa right away for two reasons: it  will make you seem smarter at parties, and it will fulfill at least an hour of community service on my part.

1) Kwanzaa is not “Black People Christmas”

It really isn’t. Heck, it was created in the mid-sixties as a vehicle for cultural awareness. This isn’t a dissertation so I’ll spare you the details, but needless to say the temporal proximity of the two holidays is just as much coincidental as it is deliberate, especially when you consider that a winter Christmas is about as correct as a turd in a pant.

2) Black People do not, I repeat, do NOT turn into tigers during Kwanzaa.

If you believe this, you’re an idiot. Every knows we turn into panthers.

3) You cannot become a Black American by killing a Black American during Kwanzaa.

While it’s true that Kwanzaa signifies the beginning of our renewal cycle, you can’t take up a person’s life by killing them. Nor can you become a new person by wearing his/her skin. You CAN, however, inherit the magical energies emanating from a black person during this holiday. Of course, these are all but lost if you don’t already have the ability to talk to animals. Yeah, that’s right. We can totally do that. But only at night.

4) Kwanzaa Isn’t “Black People Hannuakah”.

Wait…people really think this?

Yikes.

5) Kwanzaa does indeed have a meaning.

It’s not just an awesome Scrabble word; it translates to “First Fruits” in Swahili. That’s pretty awesome considering that the seven days/tenets of Kwanzaa are all but unpronounceable to the English palette. Let’s take a look at my favorite: Kujichagulia. Yeah, try saying that aloud. If your tongue has any common sense, it will jump out of your mouth and choke you for even attempting to say that. It means “Self-Determination”, which is a trait that you must possess in order to even get the word out of your esophagus.

Well, that’s about it for Kwanzaa. Feel free to send in any Kwanzaa-related questions…or any questions at all, for that matter!

- Chris

I know this news is more than a few months old, but it doesn’t make this seem any less awesome.

A New Marvel vs. Capcom game may come sooner than you think.

Given Marvel vs. Capcom 2 may be the best fighting game of all time, and Marvel latley has a pretty fine tradition of remaining tight lipped about things if they are too uncertain, this announcement is more than welcome and more than a bit exciting.

If it’s just an XBLA port with online play, I’ll gladly settle for that (Not just for online play but for fear of the 360 disc-scratch error occuring to the copy of MvC2 I spent a good deal of time hunting down). But if it’s a third installment with an even larger roster, I may just flat out lose my mind.

I’d love to see moder additions like a Marvel Zombie vs. The Dead Rising Guy.

First Fallout 3 and now this? I wish I could tell highschool Kevin just how awesome the future is.

-Kevin

My Threadless shirt is finally out! Check out the shirt made from the slogan I submitted.

If you don’t know what Threadless is, it’s a site where you can submit t-shirt designs or slogans for a chance of getting printed and winning fabulous prizes.

So apparantly Chris’s last Ominous Questions had a whole bunch of broken code in it that booted the sidebar to the bottom of the site. But I managed to get that fixed up.

Also I’ve been told our server is being updated, which I know is internet speak for “Things about to get messed up!!!!1!!” so if you encounter problems, they will probably be working themselves out.

-Kevin

Welcome to a very special Wednesday edition of Ominous Questions! We figured that with Kevin off panning for gold in the Appalachians, we’d give you readers a special treat. After all, why settle for pictures when you can have words!

Today’s question comes from someone whom we apparently don’t know, as “someone you don’t know” was the header in the email:

     dear ominous questions i was watching this asthma commercial today and everything was neon, but what was odd is that the spokesperson (who i am assuming is female) Because of the long hair and voice but it was only a shadow i guess b/c her entire figure was black, not black like Calvin but black like shadow like Thedar’s soul. the odd thing was the rest of the world was in neon bright colors, which brings me to my question; are there black hole people and if so what is their culture? is asthma a significant problem for them and is the commercial appealing to that demographic? and if there are black hole people how could we hear her voice, would it not be sucked into herself? also the bright back ground how… This brings us to the broader question of commercials? if they cause me to question this much they have wasted my time can i appeal to the company who is responsible for the commercial to get that time back or if that is not possible to receive financial compensation for this wasted time? hang on i need to hit my inhaler. i wish my asthma was more controllable, why don’t they make medicine for this? and if they do why am i not informed about it? your website says that you update on Fridays i will check back them for my answer.

-dndnrd76

Calvin: What’s interesting about this question is that dndnrd76 talked about the asthma commercial, but made no reference to those iPod commercials. I mean, by this point I assumed it was common knowledge that shadow people live among us, stalking our nightmares and clogging our toilets.

Mick: He’s totally right, you know. The shadow people are a proud race. They’ve been at the forefront of technological and philosophical advancements for years; their country is the third largest producer of both bunk and trundle; all of their children are born bilingual; and I don’t know if any of that is true. But one fact still stands: those shadow asthmatics are probably from Hyrule.

Walt: That’s racist!

Victor: Stop saying that!

Calvin: And since they are shadow people, not black hole people, they don’t create a vortex in space/time. That’s why you can hear that girl’s voice. The black hole people are significantly more terrifying and less real.

Warren: Of course, there are also the dark matter people, but their existence has yet to be substantiated. However, if they’re real there’s a chance that you’re sitting on one right now.

Walt: That’s racist!

Victor: STOP SAYING THAT!

Mick: Then there are the quasar people. They’re not so much black as much as they just absorb light into themselves and turn it into some kind of magical energy. At least that’s what Final Fantasy has taught me.

Calvin: Yeah, but they still can’t top the black hole people. You know, if they really exist.

Walt: That’s racist!

Victor: I WILL END YOU!

Calvin: As for your question about asthma, let’s just say that it’s hard to breathe properly when your lungs are comprised entirely of an absence of light. Heck, it’s hard to do pretty much anything.

Warren: We had a PR department try to work on some kind of incorporeal inhaler, but that just ended in the creation of the neutron bomb. If you want to try to inhale something that will vaporize both your lungs and the ozone, then by all means feel free to join our lab rats out in the mojave desert.

Calvin: As for the broader question of commercials: sure, they totally wasted your time by exposing you to the bane of all shadow folk, but isn’t talking about having your time wasted just another waste of time? You could’ve spent that time talking about how awesome pie is. For the record, it’s mega-awesome.

Warren: And regarding a refund, I’m pretty sure you can get one if you complain in person. Flomax headquarters is located in the mojave desert. Maybe you should try there.

Walt: That’s racist!

Victor: THAT’S IT! PREPARE FOR ANNIHILATION!

So, um…there you have it! Come back soon to see how we answer a question that man should never ask!

Hey guys, I wasn’t able to put the strip together for this week in time.

Life just sort of got in the way and I couldn’t get it together. So rather then rush it, I’ll post the strip by the end of the week so you at least get your weekly allotment of Ominous Knife.

I won’t bore you with excuses, so instead I’m just sorry to let you down, you our loyal readers who keep us doing what we do, I will do my best to get the strip together as quickly as possible without sacrificing quality.

So instead, while you are here, I’ll leave you with something to discuss:

What fact about any of our Ominous Cast are you most eagerly awaiting to see revealed?

Leave a comment about it and If we like your comment enough, we may just work that piece of information in a bit sooner.

-Kevin

Update: I was working on this weeks strip in the time I had set aside for it, and the program shut down. I hadn’t saved. A couple hours work down the tubes. Sorry guys, but I need a gimme this week. I’ll be back next week with a new strip, enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend!