Yes, dear readers, it’s true. Our resident artist has fallen ill to a recurring malady, and while the hallucinations in the last panel may be slightly exaggerated, the result is quite factual: the man microwaves his underwear nearly twice a week. You’d think it was his job, the way he serves up piping hot unmentionables. I’m sure there’s a name for his condition, if not a charity to which we can all donate. At the very least, we could probably get Bono to come and sing for him.

Since I’m pretty sure you guys don’t come here for the writing, I’ll forego the razor-sharp wit, hard-hitting social critique, and hyphenated words of my previous posts and instead share a bit of our Ominous world. You see, before the tenants of Shadbrook Apartments can move in, they must first complete a brief questionnaire. It just so happens that we have a few samples from those questionnaires. So, in lieu of the awesome comic that we have brewing, let’s take a look inside the psyche of Calvin, Victor, Walt, and Mick.

 

Question 4: In the case of an apartment-wide fire, what would be your first action?

(Victor) “I’d secure all of my first-edition comics, except for Aquaman because I don’t own any of his first-editions. Also because I hate him.”

(Calvin) “I’d panic, mostly.”

(Mick) “I’d make sure that everyone on my floor was safely evacuated. Everyone except for Aquaman. I hate that guy.”

(Walt) “My response would differ depending on my culpability in the starting of said fire.”

 

Question 7: What would you consider to be your strengths?

(Victor) “Psychokinesis, telepathy, and flight. Wait, ‘strengths’? I thought it said “‘powers’”!

(Calvin) “I can make awesome pancakes, mainly because I, myself, am awesome.”

(Mick) “I can use a defibrillator, which is essentially like being able to bring someone back from the dead. I can also stare at the sun for a really long time.”

(Walt) “I’m a team player and very goal-oriented. I also emit a high-frequency sound that only dogs can hear. At any moment I can order them to strike.”

 

Question 8: Do you have any quirks/pet peeves? If so, list them.

(Victor) “I tend to ignore arbitrary rules. Also, I’m allergic to kryptonite.”

(Calvin) “I’m what you might call a Bohemian spirit. I also really hate people who use the word ‘Bohemian’. So, don’t call me that.”

(Mick) “I really like Tang!”

(Walt) “I’ve been known to leave at odd hours in the evening, so I hate people who keep tabs on that sort of thing.”

 

From most to least important, please list what you deem to be your greatest assets.

(Victor) “My most valuable asset is my ability to relate to everyone I meet. Then comic books. After that, I’d say my extensive collection of amusement park-themed bacon.”

(Calvin) “My most important asset is my gift of creativity. After that, it’d probably be bacon and bacon accessories.”

(Mick) “I’d say my willingness to help others, followed closely by my desire to rival God the Almighty.”

(Walt) “The warmth I exude, then comics. Wait, are we talking ‘mother’s love’-type assets, or ACTUAL assets? If it’s the latter then I’d put comics in a distant first.”

 

As you can tell, Shadbrook Apartments has no idea what it’s in for.

 -Chris

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 at 12:01 am and is filed under Comics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.