Yes fans, you read it correctly: Ominous Knife has entered into the sordid realm of continuity. I don’t want to reveal too much, so I’ll just state that there are a great many problems in life that can be remedied with battle staffs.
You know what else fixes problems? Movies. So far I’ve only caught one summer blockbuster, but it was Iron Man, so I think you’d all agree when I say that I chose wisely. I’m pretty sure that simply watching that movie healed my bum leg, and everything around me smells like freshly baked bread now. That could be the bakery next door, but I’m still giving the credit to Iron Man.
Since my cohort has seen more movies than I have (both this month and ever) I’ll leave the true critiquing to him, but I feel more than qualified to review movies based on their trailers. If the following reviews contain any spoilers, then it means I’m psychic and you should build a shrine in my honor.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull: Okay, so I’ve heard that the plot involves aliens. I know everyone’s trying to pretend like the Indiana Jones series was previously a bastion of historical accuracy, but let’s be honest: this is pretty much par for the course. The first three movies dealt with magic stones, a cup that made people immortals, and THE END OF THE WORLD IN A BOX. If you get miffed because the latest sequel introduces heretofore unheard-of mysticism into your Indiana Jones experience, then please mail me a pair of your rose-colored glasses.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: A lot of people have seen this movie and yet they’ve told me nothing about it, which makes me believe that it’s not as good as they’d hoped. I say, any major motion picture based on a work by C.S. Lewis is pure gold, so stop moping. They could’ve just released the BBC version.
Actually, that one was good too.
Baby Mama: Save your money. Tina Fey can be seen for free on 30 Rock. Before you pretend like there’s any other reason to see this movie, just know that I am currently reciting the phrase “Liar, liar, pants on fire”.
I’m sure there are a couple of movies that I missed, but then again if the advertisers were working harder I would have remembered them.