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May 27th, 2008

The Pugiling pt. 1

           Yes fans, you read it correctly: Ominous Knife has entered into the sordid realm of continuity. I don’t want to reveal too much, so I’ll just state that there are a great many problems in life that can be remedied with battle staffs.

            You know what else fixes problems? Movies. So far I’ve only caught one summer blockbuster, but it was Iron Man, so I think you’d all agree when I say that I chose wisely. I’m pretty sure that simply watching that movie healed my bum leg, and everything around me smells like freshly baked bread now. That could be the bakery next door, but I’m still giving the credit to Iron Man.

            Since my cohort has seen more movies than I have (both this month and ever) I’ll leave the true critiquing to him, but I feel more than qualified to review movies based on their trailers. If the following reviews contain any spoilers, then it means I’m psychic and you should build a shrine in my honor.

            Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull: Okay, so I’ve heard that the plot involves aliens. I know everyone’s trying to pretend like the Indiana Jones series was previously a bastion of historical accuracy, but let’s be honest: this is pretty much par for the course. The first three movies dealt with magic stones, a cup that made people immortals, and THE END OF THE WORLD IN A BOX. If you get miffed because the latest sequel introduces heretofore unheard-of mysticism into your Indiana Jones experience, then please mail me a pair of your rose-colored glasses.

            The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: A lot of people have seen this movie and yet they’ve told me nothing about it, which makes me believe that it’s not as good as they’d hoped. I say, any major motion picture based on a work by C.S. Lewis is pure gold, so stop moping. They could’ve just released the BBC version.
Actually, that one was good too.

            Baby Mama: Save your money. Tina Fey can be seen for free on 30 Rock. Before you pretend like there’s any other reason to see this movie, just know that I am currently reciting the phrase “Liar, liar, pants on fire”.

            I’m sure there are a couple of movies that I missed, but then again if the advertisers were working harder I would have remembered them.
- Chris

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6 Responses to “The Pugiling pt. 1”

  1. Ben Says:

    You forgot Speedracer. I’ve seen all the summer blockbusters thus far, and its still my favorite.

  2. Burt Says:

    Sorry I hadn’t talked to you.
    Narnia was AMAZING! Much better than the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

  3. Shawn Says:

    It had to be pugil sticks.
    Crystal skull sucked because it had monkey army, prarie dog jokes, and only vague promises of knowledge to fuel the search for the skull. Definitely better than Doom but nowhere near as good as raiders or crusade.

  4. Jurei Says:

    I definitely agree with shawn, indy 4 was better than doom but not as good as the others. all i saw was shei laboofe (however you spell it) trying to act like a tough guy when i could only think of, “aww, he’s so cute trying to look angry, why don’t you go dig a hole and be sad.” and the whole swinging from vines was a bit over the top and i definitely called the connection between him and indy in the bar scene near the beginning when they first met. saw it a mile away, they could have a done a better job at that, especially indy’s reaction to it. (trying to be nice not to spoil a horrible little thing in that movie). but all in all, i’m glad i saw it, i probably won’t watch it again. the end.

  5. me Says:

    indy made me sad…. it was alot less of an ‘indiana jones movie’ and alot more of a ‘lame interdimensional-space-beings movie’ that indiana jones happened to make an appearance in. As far as American Gladiators goes, im fairly certain the 2 of you would be eaten alive by wolf, and are there for an insurance liability regardless of waivers….

  6. PeterW Says:

    Indy 4: Ah, but you see it’s a different kind of magic. The previous movies were hocus pocus founded in religion. (Even ToD, kinda.) Crystal Skull is lame because it’s hocus pocus founded in ESP and alien technology. It’s the difference between the Supernatural and the Paranormal. Lucas forgot how to tell a story that isn’t science fiction, and so completely ruined a movie that we were expecting to be magical realism.

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