Ominous Questions Without Ominous Answers
August 2nd, 2008Welcome to Ominous Questions! Today we have a very special letter, courtesy of Not Based on Walt. You see, after reading his letter it became painfully obvious that Not Based on Walt is essentially insane, and the rantings of a lunatic are always both funny and best left unedited. So today, in lieu of answering the questions in the letter, we’re just going to give you a look at the kind of mail we get on a semi-normal basis. So without further ado, here is Not Based on Walt’s letter in its entirety!
Dear Ominous Knife,
You know what really ticks me off? (Don’t answer that in a comment. I’ll tell you.)
When people indirectly insult Walt. I was really offended by last week’s question. Just because the cast of Ominous Knife don’t go to monster truck rallies on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and watch homo erotic pro-wrestling to prove that they are straight doesn’t mean that they’re soft.
You know what’s soft?! Watching guys get paid millions of dollars to put on some pads and tights and tackle each other for four hours. All the while contributing nothing to society. THAT’S soft.
You know what else is soft?! That guy’s face after I punch it a few dozen times. (Watch Pan’s Labyrinth, you’ll see what I’m talking about)
And seriously, that’s another thing. Why is a “man’s man” reading a web comic? He’s dealing with a medium whose primary audience is video game geeks and comic book nerds. It’s the nature of the beast. Short of Ominous Knife introducing a Brock Samson rip off, the “man’s man” character could never fit within the realm of normality. He would always have to be the object of jokes because he is in a domain that could never accommodate him. It would be like me walking into Victoria’s Secret and complaining that the panties are too soft (which is not true, their elastic provides just the right amount of comfort while delivering support).
Right? You know I’m right. But that doesn’t mean that I’m soft. It means I enjoy comfort. Don’t we all? I’m looking at you Mick. Looking right into your soul.
These accusations against the cast have me up in arms
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(That was my arms flailing all over the keyboard in protest).
Oh yeah, and last time I checked Walt always had five o’clock shadow, long sideburns, and a bomb on his t-shirt. HOW MUCH MORE MANLY CAN YOU GET? (short of constantly loading yourself up on deep fried cheese steaks and steroids…which I don’t do anymore)
Actually I had another question in mind. Why is the comic called Ominous Knife?
Sincerely,
Someone Walt is not based on.
Amazing stuff, right? We’re going to give you all a few days to let this letter sink in, and we’ll be back with whatever responses manage to sneak by the censors!
August 8th, 2008 at 8:59 am
How about you grab a bottle and come Pan’s Labyrinth me bitch! Oh and don’t forget your panties. (don’t want you to not feel supported or comfortable)
PS. Just as long as its not on a Tuesday or Thursday (Monster Truck rallies ya know). Go Gravedigger!
August 8th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Seriously you guys are all pathetic.