Ominous Questions? Ominous Questions!
October 18th, 2008Boy, it sure feels good to be back! We experienced a brief hiatus when Mick lit a child on fire while performing a routine appendectomy. After a rather costly legal battle and some jail time we’re back and ready to bring you the good stuff. And by “stuff,” I mean “questions”. And by “good,” I mean “insane”.
This week’s letter comes from a one PPOStalker, which is a name that I couldn’t even begin to unravel. Let’s see what he/she/they have to say, shall we?
Have you been asked for ‘protection’ money from Steve Kurtz or Tycho and Gabe yet? That’s how it works in the world of webcomics if you start to become popular, right? The big boys want their share of the cash, and start leaving messages on your website like ” Nice server, shame if anything should happen to it.” Anyway, just curious if the inevitable shakedown has begun.
Walt: What a ridiculous question. I’m almost ashamed to dignify it with a response.
Calvin: Yeah, that’s kind of silly. To think that the creators of the two biggest webcomics in the world would bother with a bunch of small timers like us…Victor, what’s wrong?
Victor: N…nothing. I’m fine. It was just…such a ridiculous question, right?
Calvin: Are you sure you’re alright? You’re shivering.
Victor: I said I’m alright! Quit bugging me!
Calvin: Oh my…you’ve…been “talked to,” haven’t you?
Victor: It was so terrifying! *sob* Gabe…he said he’s eaten servers like ours for breakfast!
Mick: Obvious problems with that statement aside, it’s okay man. we’re here for you.
Calvin: Man, you’re such a little crybaby.
Mick: Calvin, your knee’s shaking pretty violently.
Calvin:…I’m okay…I’m…oh ye gods, why? Why did you allow Randall Munroe to find out where I live?
Mick: Wait, you mean the xkcd guy? What’s he have to do with this?
Calvin: He…did things…to all my first-edition books! And that stick figure guy with the hat held me to the wall and forced me to watch…he kept saying “If you can’t endure the current paradigm wherein P = p = ’heat’, then extract yourself with alacrity from P, wherein P = ‘kitchen’.” It took me a half an hour to get that he was threatening me!
Walt: You know David Malki, the Wondermark guy? Yeah, he shot me in the kneecaps and tossed me out of a moving vehicle.
Mick: I didn’t want to tell you guys this, but…the Dinosaur Comics dude told me he’s slowly been poisoning us. I was working toward the antidote, but then his guys came in and wrecked up my lab.
Warren: Allow me to shed some light on this. The webcomics domain is a sordid realm, broken up into five distinct territories. There’s PvPolis, Penny Arcadia, XKCDeustchland (which borders Wundermarke), and then there’s Dinosaur Island. Apparently you guys have encroached on someone’s territory. These fellows attack en masse; you mess with one and you get the wrath of all of them. Plus, I have it on good authority that they simply like to take money from people, which is a sentiment I respect. Essentially, you pay them or die.
Walt: I heard that the Save Hiatus guys woke up over a shark tank filled with pirahnas and…get this…sharks. The last thing they heard before they were dunked? “Mister Malki sends his regards.”
It’s obvious that we’re all going to need a little counseling after this question! Come back next week for more repressed memories!
