Guest Strip by Steve Colon
The universe is a lonely place. Within the past few years we’ve discovered that not only are we totally alone in our sector of the universe, but we’ve come to the sobering realization that we will never, EVER be able to escape this lifeless quadrant we call the outskirts of the Milky Way, at least not within the next hundred years or so. All attempts at exploring the universe are limited to the speed a rocket can travel through a limitless vaccuum measured against the average lifespan of an astronaut or adept monkey. Even our farthest-reaching satellite has yet to escape the sun’s gravitational pull, and is probably recognized as a Kuiper Belt object at this point. It has yet to find anything remotely resembling life anywhere outside of Earth.
In Tokyo, the most populous city in the world, you are never more than 30 feet from another person at any given time. Try and find someone to talk to on the train or at a convenience store, however, and you’ll be met with empty air as your would-be-friend leaves you for less intrusive pastures. And that’s assuming you speak Japanese, which is a language that seems intentionally devoted to separating people from one another. If you don’t speak Japanese and try to talk to someone while in the most populous city on Earth, not only will you be left alone, but you’ll probably get weird stares from everyone around you. And for you cultural supremacists out there, it’s not just Japan. Nearly every American citizen has become ostracized in his/her own country because they don’t understand the local dialect. I’ve been completely ignored because I didn’t understand what was meant by “What’s gone by you?”. Of course, it’d have gone differently if I’d understood the dialect; to me it sounded more like “Whaz go bah yoo?”
If you’re wondering, I answered “salmon”.
The point is that the entirety of existence is parenthetized by an abject, crushing loneliness; unfortunately, that’s the best part. You see, when things aren’t awful they’re flat out belligerent, as is the case with such things as quantum tunnelling. You see, there is an infinitessimally small but non-zero chance that an atom will, for all intents and purposes, simply cease to exist in its proper form. No one knows where it goes, but according to Newton’s laws it can’t disappear from the universe entirely, so some scientists attribute the cause of cancer to this phenomenon. Yeah, that’s right. You could wake up with a tumor simply because the universe decided to flip out on a quark. If that’s not awful enough, check this out: there is an even more infinitesimally small but non-zero chance that you will literally blink out of existence. Wow. This place sucks.
I said all this to state one important thing: While Thedar’s behavior seems intense, it could be worse.
He could be in Japan.
-Chris
November 18th, 2008 at 9:04 am
You need some Tillich, or at least some Flaming Lips to cheer up your existence. While the universe may be a hotbed of chaos, uncertainty, and loneliness, and surely it is, it is also the place where the most beautiful and incredible things imaginable can happen, like sunsets, ice cream sundaes, and someone sacrificing their own life for another.
Rob Bell deals with some of the same anomalous quantum physics occurrences in his “Everything is Spiritual” video, although he tends to reach different conclusions, something rather more hopeful.
Either way, it sounds like Chris is on his way to being an existentialist, but the question is, will he be a Kierkegaard or a Nietzche, or worse a Bukowski?
November 18th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
HURRAY for guest artists!!
November 18th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Hey, don’t get me wrong, I love this place; it’s pretty much the only place we have, so it’s all good. But all the happiness and sunsets are merely the final flickering of a fading flame. No matter what conclusion one reaches about our place in this universe, the fact is that we aren’t here long enough for it to matter.
Of course, ice cream DOES mitigate most of it, though.
By the way, I got that quantum tunnelling thing from Everything is Spiritual; I figured it’d be fun to present a different conclusion, especially since the strip is about a kid lighting his own bed on fire. There’s a message in there somewhere. And I’d have to have a large portion of brain removed before I became an existentialist.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Thanks for terrifying me, guys. I had finally gotten tunneling out of my head and now I am afraid to move again. Thanks a lot.
November 18th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
When I drew this comic, I had no idea that it would end up leading to a discussion that basically could be explained by Quinn Malory in the first season of the hit (mediocre) TV show, Sliders. That being said, I think that the whole point is that this incident probably didn’t occur on Earth-616. It would be awesome if this had happened on Earth-811, but it was probably one of the lame universes like Earth-665.
November 19th, 2008 at 2:27 am
hey lexi, i’m FROM Earth-665, so back off. I’m just kinda you know…planar traveling. you know how it is.
and ben, you like rob bell too? or are you being sarcastic? cus we use his nooma videos in our Youth group and i like the guy a lot.
November 19th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Damn that Earth-665!!!
Oh yeah and by the way, awesome guest strip. Seriously.
November 19th, 2008 at 8:48 am
PS it appears as though Thedar lit his bed on fire with HIS MIND!
November 19th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Thats because he is a Star Brand. Either that or just happens to be Drew Barrymore and Kumar Pallana’s illegitimate son. Whether or not he can spin plates has yet to be seen.
November 19th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
You mean a large portion of your brain removed and replaced with a better portion of brain to be an existentialist!! Ben, I think with his talk of being and nothingness, we’re dealing with a Heidegger. Thus, Chris is a Nazi. Either that or the offspring of Walker Percy and Douglas Adams.
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:04 am
[...] Kevin had a penchant for getting himself in over his head during his “deals”, but he always had his reserve men who were willing to cover for him when things got too dangerous. I asked if I’d be working with Brad “Drop it like it’s hot” Guigar or Steve “Not in my eyes” Colon. [...]