There are more than a few misconceptions about Kwanzaa, and as the only black guy most of you know I feel it’s my duty to clear up some things. Thus I present to you:
Why Kwanzaa Isn’t the Same As Indonesian Dragon-Ghost Day, By Chris Gibbs
I’ve decided to tackle a few of the more erroneous beliefs about Kwanzaa right away for two reasons: it will make you seem smarter at parties, and it will fulfill at least an hour of community service on my part.
1) Kwanzaa is not “Black People Christmas”
It really isn’t. Heck, it was created in the mid-sixties as a vehicle for cultural awareness. This isn’t a dissertation so I’ll spare you the details, but needless to say the temporal proximity of the two holidays is just as much coincidental as it is deliberate, especially when you consider that a winter Christmas is about as correct as a turd in a pant.
2) Black People do not, I repeat, do NOT turn into tigers during Kwanzaa.
If you believe this, you’re an idiot. Every knows we turn into panthers.
3) You cannot become a Black American by killing a Black American during Kwanzaa.
While it’s true that Kwanzaa signifies the beginning of our renewal cycle, you can’t take up a person’s life by killing them. Nor can you become a new person by wearing his/her skin. You CAN, however, inherit the magical energies emanating from a black person during this holiday. Of course, these are all but lost if you don’t already have the ability to talk to animals. Yeah, that’s right. We can totally do that. But only at night.
4) Kwanzaa Isn’t “Black People Hannuakah”.
Wait…people really think this?
5) Kwanzaa does indeed have a meaning.
It’s not just an awesome Scrabble word; it translates to “First Fruits” in Swahili. That’s pretty awesome considering that the seven days/tenets of Kwanzaa are all but unpronounceable to the English palette. Let’s take a look at my favorite: Kujichagulia. Yeah, try saying that aloud. If your tongue has any common sense, it will jump out of your mouth and choke you for even attempting to say that. It means “Self-Determination”, which is a trait that you must possess in order to even get the word out of your esophagus.
Well, that’s about it for Kwanzaa. Feel free to send in any Kwanzaa-related questions…or any questions at all, for that matter!