Thanks a Lot, Abrams
January 22nd, 2009So I’m guessing most, if not all of you have seen the Lost season premiere, and if not, well, I envy you.
I love how the episode started with a stark, nearly indecipherable mystery and then dropped it, just like that. Now I know as well as you do that the whole “Dr. What’s-His-Face married to Sun” thing is a huge gimmick done in order to introduce the time travel aspect into the episode, but really…come on. That was unnecessary. The whole “time folding over on itself” bit has been done about seven thousand times on Star Trek, and it wasn’t a good plot device then, either. The entirety of both episodes seemed devoted to making one statement: Everyone’s traveling through time. Considering that everyone on earth had figured that out six months ago, you’ll pardon the lack of gasping. Okay, we get it. Locke’s special because at some point he met Mr. Immortal and now he’s a part of the island’s history. None on the Oceanic survivors can leave because they’ve always been on the island. Dead people can pop in out of nowhere because the island allows people to travel through time, which affects dead folks for some reason. OH NOES! MYSTERY!
Couple the lack of coherence with a flashback couched in a flashback couched in a flash forward, and you get a show whose continuity would’ve been more solid if Seth McFarlane had written it:
Jack: We have to go back. (squints like he’s about to poop)
Ben: Hey, remember that time we went back to the island? (flashback [or FORWARD] to them on the island, where monkeys are flinging poo. George Lopez comes out of nowhere.)
George Lopez: Yeesh, this is worse than the time Kate, Sawyer and I had to dance a jig on top of the (Star Wars reference)
Flashback to JACK reminiscing about the flashback in which he and BEN talk about going back to THE ISLAND.
Jack: So yeah, like I was saying for the past three seasons. We have to go back.
Cut to THE ISLAND, where Faraday, Lewis, Sawyer, and other people with peculiarly apt historical names are gathered.
Faraday: We have to get to a man-made structure. Anything will do.
Sawyer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who are you, why are you here, and most importantly, why am I topless in every single episode?
Faraday: I’m a freakin’ quantum physicist, Huck. In case you haven’t figured out from the billions of cutscenes, something ridiculous is going on. I can’t sit here and explain this stuff to you–(Sawyer slaps him.)
Okay, that was totally appropriate.
FARADAY begins to explain things that everyone already knew, in a way that everyone already understood, thus marking the only time in Lost history in which a plot point is actually laid out. Unfortunately, since everyone except for SAWYER already knew this, the point becomes instantly moot.
Sawyer: Whoo-wee, city boy! That’s a mouthful! It sounds like we’re in more trouble than the time Hurley ate the capital of Brazil!
Strangely enough, last night’s premiere seemed less devoted to building suspense than previous episodes. However, when you build a show around mysteries that you yourself haven’t fully unraveled, you find yourself in need of time. That’s exactly how last night felt: like Abrams was buying himself some time while he figured out how to bring everything together in a way that actually makes sense. And who knows? Maybe the guy’ll pull it off. If not, I’m sure Seth McFarlane wouldn’t mind taking the helm…
- Chris
January 24th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
I’m waiting for Locke to throw a knife at the British shock troops of the future and then hit Ethan in the arm in the past! A flying DeLorean?!?!
January 24th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Okay, I agree with you that the episode was terrible. TERRIBLE! Like, I liked Niki and Paulo more than this. But I don’t think that it was Sun with the doctor from the instruction videos. I know all Asian people look alike to you, but you should go back and double check that.
January 25th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
I told you. I’ve been telling you. The writing of the show is a step above stage improv, despite selling itself as a methodical and planned out epic story. Now they don’t know what to do next, so the show is folding in on itself, like a black hole. Like a star collapses when it runs out of hyrdogen to convert to helium, Lost is collapsing because they’ve run out of excuses. I’ll avoid the obvious joke relating the writers and the title of the show.
January 25th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Dagnabbit, you’re right. That wasn’t Sun.
OR WAS IT?
Naw, not yet.
BUT WILL IT BE?
Probably.
January 26th, 2009 at 12:48 am
yeah, that wasn’t Sun at all chris. that was just the beginning part to let you figure out who the guy is in bed with the asian woman and you’re sitting there thinking, “who the heck is that?!”
and btw, the episode was awesome i thought just cus they need to say it to everyone (Specifically the audience) of what is going on cus some people probably wouldn’t get it if faraday wasn’t there.
ben and i have said we are waiting for time wizards (like faraday and his mom) to start slinging spells. at that point i don’t know what to say about the show.
January 26th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Look, that chick looked like Sun at first, and none of you can tell me with a straight face that Lost would be above doing something like that, especially considering that Faraday popped up outta freakin’ nowhere two minutes later.
January 26th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Yes because the man who has been talking about how weird time is on the island and how it’s different and how he understands it and time travel went back in time out of “nowhere”
That’s like saying it’s odd to see a pool boy by a pool or it was totally out of nowhere for that dude in the paper hat to be making your burger.
January 27th, 2009 at 10:34 am
It’s not odd to see a skydiver use a parachute to safely reach the ground, but I’d still be surprised if one landed in my backyard without any warning.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
LOUD NOISES!
January 29th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Thank you, Shawn.
See Kev, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a pool boy by a pool. I would, however, be surprised if a random stranger told me that he was a pool boy, and six weeks later I bumped into him actually carrying a pool around. I’d be similarly surprised if someone told me they were a doctor and suddenly everyone around them started getting sick. Heck, I’m a writer; by Lost’s standards you should be able to find my bestselling novel in stores next month regardless of the fact that I never wrote a book.
Faraday showing up in the first episode was simply bait to let the audience know that something’s up, which brings me right back to my original point: Lost isn’t above placing characters in places “just because”. For example, just because that Asian chick wasn’t Sun doesn’t mean it’s impossible. In fact, I’m pretty sure that by next season they’ll have ret-conned that part to make that chick Sun. And Faraday showing up 30 years before he got to the island just backs up my theory.
February 3rd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
oh man chris, you’re being ridiculous. first, i would love to see a pool boy carrying a pool. 2nd, they won’t reconnect sun to being that person b/c they have never made plot holes from the beggining. 3rdly, faraday can travel through time cus a. it seems like his mom can do it and is some kind of time wizard, and b. faraday is traveling through time as we speak on the island so it’s a future episode where faraday will find himself on the island in the 70s and he will sneak on the island’s construction workers of dharma.
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:58 pm
You forgot to mention c. the show is a pile of bull and is not epic or planned out in the slightest. The formula for Lost is the following:
1. Huge event happens. People die.
2. A mystery emerges.
3. A mysterious character says something cryptic.
4. Some plot lines come together and more people die. You liked some of them.
5. A mystery is explained half ass and no one questions it. More mystery arises out of the old mystery.
6. Go back to item #3, repeat until finale.
7. The finale event is aired; no one is satisfied. Except for Abrams.
The formula is then decorated with the pointless drama of Jack, Kate and Sawyer.
A smoke monster is around. It sometimes announces it’s presence with foot steps and ominous music, other times it kills off characters when the actors want out of the show. That thing has been around since the first season and there is still absolutely no explanation about it. And when there is one, trust me, you will be disappointed.
How is it that everyone can watch this show and not see that it is a pile of poo? It isn’t a great story. It’s a scam, find a new show. How is it possible to be in the final freaking season and still be building mysteries? Shouldn’t they be wrapping crap up and setting the board for the confrontation? I mean, do we even know who the bad guys are anymore? It’s dharma, it’s not dharma but it is dharma, just not dharma.
The only thing that could get me to watch this show is if they announced the cast of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure came in on a phone booth playing those characters we know and love. Because, wow. Right?
February 4th, 2009 at 12:41 am
“2nd, they won’t reconnect sun to being that person b/c they have never made plot holes from the beggining.”
I’m sorry, you’re going to have to repeat that. I couldn’t hear with all the explanations going on regarding:
- The four-toed statue
- The smoke monster
- How Ben got the power to summon the smoke monster
- Charlie and the chocolate factory–er, the magical ghost
- Jack’s dad being dead, then alive, then dead, then alive, then a mystical shaman who works for a ghost in a teleporting time shack
- Hurley’s friend and how he got those numbers
- Oh yeah, the numbers
- Also, the teleporter
- While we’re at it, the ghost whisperer
- Walt and his ability to imagine the future, unless of course he can’t
- Hey, remember Walt? I wonder what happened to that kid. Oops, there I go ruining my own fake explanation list with UNANSWERED QUESTIONS.
Yeah, you’re right. Lost has tied up the loose ends nice and neat.
February 4th, 2009 at 1:31 am
A lot of those have been explained already:
Hurley’s Friend was a researcher on the numbers or The Valenzetti Equation. The Valenzetti Equation is the mathematical key to determining the end of humanity and they represent different variables it’s related too, part of Dharma’s work was to change these numbers in order to prolong humanity’s existence.
Walt got back to the mainland and ended up in his grandmother’s custody. Last we saw him was looking longingly at suicide proof Michael.
Try watching lost without also trying to translate Japanese hip hop and playing RPG’s about vampire karate monsters at the same time as you watch LOST, you’ll pick up on more. Or you know, just watch it without the anger.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Just as three prawns hardly constitute a galaxy, the explanation of one plot point hardly constitutes “a lot”.
I will admit, I forgot about the Valenzetti equation thing. And they showed Walt looking at his pappy, true; they also showed Walt psychically talking to Locke and they never, ever explained why or how. And don’t give me the “ghost in the shack used his power” explanation either. See, that’s what you call a plot hole: there’s no easy way to resolve it without screwing up the story thus far. Walt was thrown in because it was the most mysterious (read: convenient) way to thicken the plot, but now they won’t even acknowledge that it happened because (and this is key) THEY DON’T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENENED EITHER.
I’m still open to the idea that they’ll be able to wrap this all up, but don’t tell me that they already have when they haven’t. That’s like saying that Southland Tales was a good movie, as long as you completely change your idea of what “good” is.
February 4th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Thank you Kevin for proving what I said about the show. The few times they do explain something, it makes very little sense and is disappointingly stupid. A mathematical equation to predict the end of the world? Please. It’s a scam. A shadow organization searching for math?
Math. They’re looking for math. I’m going to say it once more, in case you aren’t receiving this; math.
And I’m telling you, eventually they’ll be like, oh the equation was walt and jack or something all along! The equation is a person!
Or the smoke monster. Maybe the smoke monster is the equation.
They throw in a catch all electromagnetic field to explain a bunch of random crap like time travel. Let me tell you something, an electromagnetic field isn’t all that special. One, for instance, keeps us alive on the planet. Others surround anything electrical. In fact, they’re pretty freaking common. Using EM field to explain time travel or whatever is like explaining super powers with the sun, which is why I hate superman.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
hey just so you know shawn, they are not in the last season, i believe it’s got two more left. so i think they are wrapping things up by slowly answering questions. plot holes are hard to avoid in any sci - fi show, but writers do the best they can i guess. and as for the whole equation for when the world ends: you forget you need to look at lost as a sci-fi. SCIENCE FICTION! look at bill and ted’s adventure and try and explain how they time travel in a phone booth. the point i’m saying is, it’s fun and entertaining because we know it’s not true already.
February 10th, 2009 at 2:29 am
I can accept that. You like it despite the flaws; can’t argue with that.
February 11th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
JUNE 24TH! You aren’t above using the smoke monster, either!!