Like Clue, but with Adamantium Claws
Have you all seen the newest Wolverine movie yet? I hear they dropped all the pretenses of having characters that don’t directly support Wolverine’s backstory, which is good I guess. I enjoy the previews, though (are they still called that after the movie’s been released, or do they just become “views”?). Since I’m not really a big X-Men fan I don’t really know who the heck the characters are, so I’ll just list them according to their perceived abilities:
- The chick who turns into diamonds and gets the power to attract bullets is my favorite so far. I’m not sure exactly what evolutionary deviation leads to diamond skin, but we need to do some research.
- So, how exactly do you have Cyclops as a character without the trademark rose quartz glasses and superfluous angst? I never really got how a character whose power is to shoot lightning from his face is billed under a guy whose power is “claws”. Yeah, there’s the healing, but so what? We don’t pay ten bucks to go see a movie about a hospitalized person slowly recovering from a knife wound.
- Anyway, there’s also Ryan Reynolds, whose power is being Ryan Reynolds. I truly don’t care who he’s supposed to be, because everytime I see him on my TV I think, “Ryan Reynolds”.
- And then there’s Liev Schreiber, whom I’ve yet to forgive for playing Cotton Weary in Scream. Sorry Liev, you can wear all the prosthetic fangs you want, but it won’t change the fact that you once got billed beneath the chick from Party of Five.
- There’s also Butterbean, but I don’t get what his superpower is. Being fat is a superpower like competitive eating is a sport.
So yeah, I bet the movie is awesome, but I refuse to pay money to watch an extended version of the movie I nearly walked out of a few years back. Granted, it was because I had food poisoning, but who’s to say the movie didn’t cause it?
- Chris
May 12th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Apparently Ryan Reynolds was also in something called Life After Wartime, to further the Talking Heads reference: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119534/
May 12th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I may have found this slightly funnier if I had ever listened to a single Talking Heads song… That being said, I get the implicit joke and the only question that remains is who is the person that needs to be killed at the end of the “things to do” list?
May 12th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
It’s actually an item I usually tack on to the ends of my personal to-do lists, I want to see if anybody guesses it.
May 12th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Bill. A little obvious, but still a solid guess.
May 12th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Anything involving The Talking Heads is golden. I rate this strip at 11.3 out of 10.
May 12th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
The thing about Ryan Reynolds is, he’s been gunning for that character since they announced Wolverine: Origins. I haven’t seen the movie nor the comics myself, but apparently, Deadpool (the character Reynolds plays) is described as “a mix between a Shar Pei and Ryan Reynolds”. Reynolds himself is going to try and make the movie into something more out of the comics, including the signature 4th-wall-breaking that is Deadpool’s hallmark.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:26 am
I too would have enjoyed this more had I any knowledge of The Talking Heads. Can I just say though that I want that dragon print bathrobe?
May 13th, 2009 at 10:48 am
that song………….. in my head ……………………………………damn you Rock Band…………………………… DAMN YOU OMINOUS KNIFE!!!!!!!
May 13th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
At least that’s a far better tune to have stuck in my head than Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
I am pretty sure that Calvin is wearing a kimono, seriously? that is interesting, my real question here is that inspired by real life
May 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am
ugg single ladies is the worst mind worm for me, I hear it once and it’s stuck for a week.
May 14th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies! (All the single ladies)
Now put ya hands UP!
May 14th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
that song………….. in my head ……………………………………damn you Chris G. …………………………… DAMN YOU OMINOUS KNIFE!!!!!!!
May 14th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
….. really? We’re really gonna go to annoying songs? Do I need to bust out my friend Richard Paul Astley in here? Because I will- don’t tempt a sick man.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
The thing about Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds-dressed-as-Deadpool is that Ryan Reynolds in a Deadpool suit is exactly what I wanted to see.
It was awesome. Absolutely hilarious. I died. Though the ending was… uh. unexpected.
I’ll put it this way to try and avoid spoilers: The point of having Ryan Reynolds in your movie is for him to say sharply cynical things that make you giggle. So.. yeah. The ending was a bit of a disappointment on that count.
Also: Gambit.
Maybe it’s just because i’m way-too-into the French language, but Gambit didn’t say a damn thing in french the whole movie. No “mon ami,” no “ma cherie,” nothing. HE’S CAJUN. CAJUN PEOPLE SPEAK CAJUN FRENCH. he didn’t even have an accent!
And the hair was all wrong.
other than that, i liked the movie a lot.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:57 am
This whole thread is almost entirely foreign to me as I pretty much don’t know any of the songs you people are talking about. I consider it a privilege to not have a clue what you are talking about.
May 15th, 2009 at 10:26 am
He knows the words! All four of them, repeated over. And over.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
And it should be noted I pulled RA out COMPLETELY FORGETTING what happened last week.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Ooooh…You had ta do it, didn’t you.
You could’ve at least shown the video, then I would’a had images of Beyonce in my head instead. 
May 19th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
PS:
http://www.kansascity.com/stargazing/story/1181965.html
deadpool spinoff movie!