So, Lost. I know a lot of our regulars like the show, but honestly: at this point it’s like watching a dear old friend get eaten by a shark. A shark with a tattoo. And that tattoo is important.
Yeah, see, once you break it down, Lost isn’t really that good of a show. It turns out that hinting at giant mysteries isn’t the same as actually addressing said mysteries, and that becomes the show’s failing. Want an example? Okay: I could tell you right now that the cast of Ominous Knife has a sixth character.
“That’s cool, there’re dozens of characters who are not considered ‘main’ characters,” you may think. But wait! That sixth person? The one to whom I alluded in the previous paragraph? Yeah, he’s a completely different guy. Like, you’ve never, EVER seen him before. Isn’t it awesome how that adds to the mystery? And then there’s a completely different story that includes that guy, and him alone. Isn’t that AWESOME? It’s almost like everything you’ve read before doesn’t count, but hey, there’s a new guy so that must mean it’s awesome!
Oh, wait. That’s not awesome; that’s just as dumb as it is stupid.
Look, Lost fans. Your show isn’t good just because newcomers don’t understand it. It’s a stupid show that’s roped you into watching it because you’ve invested so much time in it. There are 80-year-olds who’ve invested twice as much time into their show as you have into yours, and yet no one’s declaring The Young and the Restless “The best thing on TV.” You know why? Because it’s a stupid show. You don’t gain seniority just because everyone around you is confused into thinking that your show makes sense. You don’t get bonus points because your show throws red herrings to its target audience every week. In fact, that just makes your show stupid and long-winded.
That’s right, Lost fans. Your show is as dumb as The Young and the Restless. At this point I truly wouldn’t be surprised if the main character is actually an alien who fell in love with a ghost from another dimension.
But hey, if Abrams approved it then it must be great, right?